They See Her Heart Before They See Her Skin

Let me preface this by saying, I am a girl. I don’t know what it is like to be a guy. I can talk to guys about it, read books and internet blogs, but, unfortunately, I will never truly know what happens to a guy in relationships or what goes through their minds when they see girls (sisters in Christ ) walking around with clothing that can clothe a baby doll. I can only address what I see as a problem with our generation from the female perspective. And since I am a girl,that is where I will start. Because, I truly believe that if we want things to change, and  respect from men we HAVE to start with ourselves. We girls need to work together to help ourselves and in the process protect our brothers in Christ.

{Part One}

I was asked by a wonderful Godly man to speak to a congregation on MODESTY. My first thought was “Homie, do you know I am not a public speaker. I choke in class presentations and I am not qualified to talk about Sex-love and modesty!” Mark responded “You will figure it out its okay if you embarrass yourself at least there’s laughter. Let me know by the end of the week” Literally after days of dwelling on this conversation seeking advice from mentors, friends and family I decided to go ahead and proceed with it. Let’s pray this is not a disaster………

This issue is touchy, but one that desperately needs to be addressed “Clothing makes the man….” Fill in the blank (Men if you’re reading please fill in that blank). Okay girls, yes, SOME men are just pigs and they are completely responsible for their own actions. However, have we ever stopped to wonder why we attract these men? Why they say the things they say to us? That maybe just maybe the problem starts with us. I know we are girls we don’t do anything wrong 

Unfortunately, that is a LIE and we need to start taking responsibility for our own actions.

This world is constantly telling us we need to be “Sexy” Seriously, every television show; commercial, magazine, social media, advertisement and so on and so on tell us this. That our ONLY worth comes from what we are in the eyes of the opposite sex. If men think you are beautiful and give you the time of day and even ask for your number THEN you are special. If you have a man by your side than you are worthy of love and you can walk in knowing this.. And if not? Well, then you are ugly, fat and unworthy of affection and love. Harsh, I know, but at some point every girl has thought that about herself and if you haven’t please share your secret!

We push and push, start movements and blogs about how real beauty comes from the inside and that every girl is beautiful in her own way. This message is great, powerful and COMPLETELY true, but if we don’t live what we preach then it means nothing to our life. Instead, we lower our standards in the way we dress to attract these men who do not appreciate who we are on the inside. If we do not act and dress as though we are special, beautiful and worthy of respect and love we sure as heck won’t be treated like we are. So let’s start backing up our message with the way we live, and the way we conduct ourselves in relationships with our brothers in Christ because we are WORTH more.

The only reasonable conclusion I can really think of is that we know in our heads that “real beauty is on the inside” but we would rather immerse ourselves in lies of the world and lies of Satan. We may not consciously make that decision, but every time we put ourselves down, or start to feel worthless, or post a sexual and provocative pictures on Facebook, we are choosing to believe a lie of Satan over what God has already told us.  That our beauty only comes from Jesus Christ’s presence in our hearts and lives. So instead of addressing the heart issue we go and find an outfit that pushes the limits to see if we can get away with it. Then get this we blame the men in our lives for only wanting us for what we can give them and looking at us in a way that makes us uncomfortable.

We are bluntly putting ourselves on display

GIRLS, if YOU put it out there, then, sorry it is fair game

#RealTalk

Ladies, please here me when I say you are in complete control of how men look at you.

Expect more.

You literally teach them what body parts they are allowed to gawk at by the way you dress; especially to the guys who have no self-control. We have only a small idea what it is like to be a guy, or how hard it is to control what goes through their heads. They are going to look at what you show them , bottom line…or really struggle NOT to. That is not what we should be to our brothers in Christ, and we certainly are not going to attract the good guys this way. How can we expect to find a good guy who love us for our hearts, when we shove our bodies in his face?  When they already find it hard to even look at us with compromising their thought life, let alone spend time in getting to know what is inside of us because of what we make them struggle with.

The way you dress either demands respect or invites disrespect. Please hear me again The way you dress either demands respect or invites disrespect. So often, we feel like men do not deserve our respect; they have to earn it. 
For example I am sitting at work writing this and I look over to my left and there is a guy in a suit coming in to interview automatically he has my respect when I go in about 20 minutes to escort him to the conference room to be interviewed but if he were to walk in here with basketball shorts and a t-shirt I would be like okay, you can walk right back out. I hope you get the point. It’s not any different for women the way we dress says a lot about us.

I am completely a girl, and I love to look pretty and cute, and beautiful, but this can definitely be done in a classy, respectful way, keeping in mind the men around you and how you want them to think about you. I don’t dress like a frump and neither should you! However, the way some girls are dress and present themselves (especially on social media) just does not send them message that they respect themselves and know their inner worth. Girls, I promise good men will notice when you dress and act in a way that honors God I can promise you that.

I am not saying that men are not responsible for what they look at or think about… they most certainly are and will answer to God for it, but we girls are a big problem in this area in which we beg for a solution. We need to take responsibility for what we display. Because no matter how strong a guy is spiritually, he is still a guy. God made men this way, and not on accident. God had a plan for men to be the pursuers in the relationship.. to WIN the girl’s heart; not the body. Then, after he wins her heart and commits to her (AKA MARRIAGE) then he gets her body. He is just not going to commit to you if he has nothing to win because you have already given to him

I’m also not saying that this will stop every man from treating every woman with disrespect, but it is a safeguard against it, and an area where we desperately need to take action. The fact of the matter is we CAN control how we are to be treated, and we are responsible in this area. If we want to be wanted for our bodies, then that is a heart issue. However, I’m pretty sure that every girl wants to be loved for everything that is inside of her that is beautiful, not just our physical.

You get what you fish for. If you are “baiting” men with your body, then the only men you are going to catch are the men who want your body. Plain and simple. However, if you want a guy who loves you for your heart, you’re going to have to catch a man with your heart. He has to be able to stay around you long enough to see it. You want a man with a good heart? Show him a good heart, not your physical “goods.”

How you get him is how you keep him. We’ve heard that before. So say you find a man, and he commits to you and marries you; but the main feature that caught him was your body and physical appearance…. what happens when you get pregnant? When you gain weight? When you start to get older and less attractive? If he did not find your inside to be the most attractive thing about you, what’s going to happen when something better comes along? It would be so sad to be in a relationship with a man who only liked you for what you gave him sexually; and, as you aged, thought you were boring, unattractive, or unlovely. There will always be girls prettier than you and willing to show more, and sexual competition is not what God has in mind for his daughters. However, this is where we are headed when we attract men based on our physical appearances alone. Heartache, and don’t you think it breaks Jesus’ heart too? I want my future husband to love me for my personality, my sense of humor, my brain, and courage, and all the weird quirky things that I do, and, mostly, my love for God… and have eyes only for me.

Lastly, I want to encourage you in that next time you see a girl with a sexually revealing outfit on, don’t judge her in your heart. Have compassion instead. It breaks my heart to see and know that some girls don’t know that they do not have to show off their bodies to be worth something. That they are so much more than what their body looks like, and how men respond to seeing it. It is so sad. Pray for her. If you know her, talk to her or show her these posts! Help her see that Jesus made her beautiful heart for Him, and she deserves to expect more too.

Girls, if we want our relationships to be everything we really long for and God promised to us, we can’t settle for the cheap version that the world offers us. We have to ask for something more. If we want to be everything God has made us to be as representatives of Jesus Christ and the gospel, we need to clothe ourselves with the respect and holiness that our message demands. We’ve just got to expect more because the Jesus we love does care about our clothes and how His daughters present themselves….and He definitely expects more of us.

Ladies- I promise you there are Godly men out there who beg for us to believe this and I am determined to find them.. This is only the beginning 

This is my Battle -  Because This is how I choose to live not because I have to, not because I’m forced to, but because I want to and because this is where I find freedom to be the beautiful person God has created me to be.