From victim to victor: The meaning behind my tattoo

“Always a fighter. Never a victim.”

Last Saturday I was having another itch for a tattoo. Obviously, this comes as no surprise to many that truly know me. Instead this tattoo was different the meaning was a little bit more intense it’s one that I have been wanting for about a year or two, but I couldn’t grab the confidence to believe that I was a fighter so Instead I played the victim role. Well, not anymore!

Sometimes, well, maybe a lot of the time, I allowed my wounds to define me. What has been done to me in the past, circumstances, or what I did to myself that has led to such an incredible amount of pain. So often, I fell into this trap not even realizing it. I go through pain in my life, and I hold on to it- keeping it for a rainy day.

I had come to love my little collection of hurts and wounds so I can feel like a special case because of the injustice that has been done to me.

Lately, I have realized that there a two different kinds of people in the world. There are those who instinctively look for every chance to be a “Victim” and those who look for every chance to rise above- regardless of where they are in life and what’s happening around them.

I am about to tell you something that I have been constantly learning

You can NOT be defined by Jesus AND your past.

There is nothing wrong with learning a good life lesson from your past. That is part of your life it is what makes you who you are. Honestly, your past may have made you better, wiser or a stronger person. However, if you are still holding onto that pain, then it has defined you. People tend to hold onto their past so hard that their hands start to bleed from the grip- I know was! I think one of the most hardest thing in the world to do is to forgive people who have hurt you the most. Some people would rather die than truly forgive another. Seriously, if they had a choice between forgiving someone who has wronged them and death, they would go ahead and order their casket right then and there. Why? Well, that’s a good question. I believe it is because they have let it come to define them. They have let it sit at the very core of who they are.

Even the smallest amount of bitterness in our lives hold us back from having a vibrant relationship with Jesus.

We all know people who are bitter, and who have held on to certain injustices for years and years, and it is not pretty, and let me tell you it is definitely not a picture of who Christ is. Please let me be clear with whoever is reading this; I am not oversimplifying your pain. I know so many of us carry around baggage from the past, and it affects the way we view ourselves on a daily basis. The world tells us that we need to “take some time for you… focus on you.. Do what you need to do. Satisfy your own needs and wants.” While that sounds good and let me tell you I have done that so many times. I have also realized that focusing on ourselves will never lead us to a place of true healing or freedom from the pain that controls us.

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

REALITY CHECK: JESUS DOES CARE ABOUT YOUR PAIN AND SUFFERING!

From experience, when we focus on ourselves, our problems only grow larger, and we are left with nothing to defend against them.  And just rotting in our own self pity

I could recall some many stories of friends, mentor and leaders who have been wounded, but chose not to focus on themselves, but rather than the prize that awaited them in eternity. My favorite hymn is the Old Rugged Cross. There, the sinless, spotless Son of God was tortured and murdered for sin He did not commit. There, the greatest injustice of all time was served up to a Savior who simply said, “father, forgive them.” There, love was given in the place of judgment, and mercy instead of justice

That’ll preach forever.

I feel like that makes any injustice I have been served and even you have been served just seem so freaking small. Jesus was served the greatest injustice of all by our own two freaking hands. He paid the price and penalty of our sin and took our very pain so that we can be defined by His righteousness, and yet, he still allows us to come to Him and lay our burdens at His feet.

                I encourage you tonight if you are carrying wounds that have yet to be mended, come to Christ and allow Him to heal your heart and make you new. If there are people you need to forgive, ask Him daily for the grace and strength needed to do just that. If you are under a persecution, let today be the day you shake off your self-obsessive, self-defeating. Self-inflicted drama and embrace your God-given power to be a “more than conquer.” Receive His ability to recover and achieve and move forward to the Kingdom of God.

Because, guess what….. it’s not about you

I am thanking the Lord for every blessing and every trial!

Because, once we walked away from our pain, He is always there to supply everything we need to walk the narrow path.

               

Sister of a Heroin Addict- Part 2

My brother is a heroin addict & there is not a DAMN thing I can do about it.

It’s so funny what will make me have a meltdown when it comes to my brother. For the most part, my skin is thick when it comes to him and his addiction. I've built a wall that rarely comes down. After two years of really knowing and accepting  his addiction and watching him stick a needle in his arm you’d think I’d be numb by now. Right? Well, it still hurts- I still cry and I still fear the phone call where he is dead.

Last time I wrote about Chris a plethora of people reached out and laid prayers over my family it was amazing to see how much love and encouragement came over his addiction.  Recent, events have led me back to the writing board because lets be real if you know me well you know I am not an emotional person I don’t talk about my feelings I have always learned to push them away and writing has become my outlet.

My feeling towards my brother have absolutely not changed they are just getting covered up by his addiction to heroin. Chris is probably my closest friend in the world, he knows me inside out, holds the key to my past and I hope he allow himself the key to my future.

He has been struggling with his drug but more specifically Heroin addiction

So here we go again…

8 Months wasted

8 Months clean and sober erased in one moment.

8 Months of family and friends, school and normality, gone.

8 Months and the needle is back in your arm as the lies spew from your mouth.

8 Months later and my mother is watching her son destroy himself

8 Months later and my brothers and I are worried again

8 Months later and I hate him again

8 Months later and somehow I am surprised. I let myself believe he would never use again.

8 Months later, I and sad and he’s high again.

I haven’t really been around for a while. Since he came home from rehab in many ways I cut myself off from my family and my brother and tried to move past the pain that he puts our family through. The other night I watched INTERVENTION. He was the every person portrayed on their show about teenage use of heroin. Their son was my brother. In and out of rehab, scamming his mom for money and getting hooked on the needle.I am not saying rehab doesn't work. It can. I know many people who have their own success stories. It just won’t work if the person doesn't want to get clean.

If I am being totally honest I have been struggling with making the decision to cut him out of my life if he just continues to actively use it is easy to say but difficult to follow through. Partly, because I don’t want to hurt my mom and my brothers with this decision

His heroin addiction is monstrous cycle. At least in my world. Chris has been clean more times that I care to remember and has been high more times than anyone ever should be.

It is not a pretty life.

The way heroin works, according to how I have seen it is:

Addicts shoot up- Addicts shoots up a lot- Addicts shoots up so much that said addict can no longer get high with a small amount of heroin.- Addict is a junkie and can therefore not afford large amount of heroin, so addict goes to detox. Detox cleans addicts system out. Addict can choose one of two ways, clean or junk. Chris chooses Junk. The cycle begins again.

Sober. High. Sober. High.

I have watched this go down with my brother over 20 times. So why am I so surprise to have to watch it a 21^st times. I just would like by brother back. But he has a new sister and it’s called Heroin. He doesn't know me anymore- I don’t know him anymore.

I am literally just so mentally and physically exhausted with Heroin.

To be honest she is selfish-rude- vindictive brat.

It NEVER ends- She NEVER ends

This past weekend, I was informed that Chris was being kicked out of my mom’s house for stealing money to support his addiction. And I couldn't help but put a smile on my face in complete Joy. Not because this is what I had envisioned for my brother but because maybe he finally needs to hit rock bottom. My brothers and mom have just been his freaking care taker what the HELL people stop it.  I have been telling my mom it’s time to put him out with a cardboard sign that says:

“I am homeless because I am addicted to Heroin and my family won’t support it 

so please anything helps me to buy Heroin.”

Let’s see him get far with that….

Please understand this is not because I hate Chris or I receive great pleasure of watching him fail. I say all this because I love him and want him to get better. Gah it hard for me to write this blog because I know it seems like I am just harsh on Chris- but you try sharing your sibling with Heroin. I want Chris to be a part of my future. I want him to be an uncle to my unborn children, a brother-in-law to future husband, friend to my friends and my laughing, joking, lovable, silly and irritating best friend forever and always.

This addiction hurts all of us- especially the most important woman in my life-

To be honest- my heart hurts for my mom the most to watch her son self-destruct to watch her baby boy crumble to the ground and to watch her loving son because a heroin monster again! My mom won’t admit this but I know she is a wreck again. The past couple years with Chris have been stolen by a disease that her Son chose the freaking second he put that needle in his arm. She cannot walk away no matter how hard she tries. She sees a junkie but she doesn’t see the Junkie I see. All she sees in the son she loves dearly.

Chris if you read this- I stand by what I said in the beginning of this Journey I will love you through this. But, right now I need to love you while we are on separate paths. You are and always will still be my best friend. I know you are going through a time where I don’t understand and I hope you work things out. But, until you can leave you fantasy sister Heroin and come back to you baby sister Elena- We can not talk. This doesn't  mean I don’t love you this means I have to love myself a little more and protect my heart.

Your REAL sister,

Elena

This is Chris's battle

Our Journey

Jilli Davis and Elena Barrientes- Too many memories come with these two names together. Happy, sad, loving, caring, rough, vulnerable but most of all real.

Jilli and I met at Grand Canyon University our freshman year. Ironically, we were interviewing for a spot to serve on leadership together as an RA. By the grace of God we were placed in same dorm building and little did we know we had both found a little piece of our hearts. I had immediately gained a best friend someone to share serious life and some childish adventures.

The one thing I am so grateful for in the midst of our friendship is that we share the same heart for women to find their identity in the Lord. Our hope is that our vulnerability on the topic would encourage you.

Being a girl is so difficult. We are basically programmed to wake up and make sure we are perfectly aligned with the world standards. We are programmed to fall in love with the “man of our dreams” However, do not get us wrong there is nothing wrong with being in love. I know your probably thinking what do two single women know about being in love? When Jilli and I think about it do we even understand it? Do you even understand it? Oh is it the mushiness of facebook post? Is it creating our fantasy wedding boards on Pinterest? Is it having someone follow your every move complementing you? Is it dating? Is it marriage? Questions that we ask ourselves every day. Please fill free to fill us in..

We all create Pinterest boards that evolve around planning our big day picking things out for our unborn children like it is our job. After a first date, we are already designing a wedding ring, picking out children’s names and putting his last name behind our names.

 I get blinded by the idea of marriage and kids and living a boujie lifestyle with my man. 

I’ll admit, I get discouraged sometimes. But, I wait. Sometimes I wonder if waiting is really what I should be doing, but I wait. People tell us all the time “you should be out there dating” but we wait. Friends tell me my standards are too high and they are not attainable and unreachable and that is going to be the reason that I continue to stay single. But I wait. And that is what Jilli and I decided we were going to start telling people: we wait because this is our life and we are happy with the path that we are on. Is it ideal heck no! But we wait because we refuse to settle for less than what God has for us

We wait because we know that our worst and loneliest day as a single person is better than our best day married to the wrong man.

I want to preface this by saying that I am a woman who has desired to be married for as long as I can remember. Probably why Jilli and I always talk about marriage, kids and our happily ever after. After my last relationship I chose to allow God to heal my wounds. I needed to encounter this man Jesus. I needed to allow his love to cover my sins. I needed to identify myself as Gods child.

It wasn’t till talking about it with her I had realized I had set myself to maintain my singleness well. I had seen to many women grow bitter and angry that their future husband had not come. I had watch one to many women running to other lovers. I had watch relationships fail between man and women that I didn’t want to follow either of those paths. So I made the decision to seek God harder, faster and deeper than I ever had before.

Recently I discovered that I was leaning on my singleness as a safety net it had become my crutch.

Jilli and I came up with this. Singleness keeps us from getting hurt. Singleness keeps us from putting ourselves out there. Singleness keeps us from getting our hearts broken. Because we had been hurt recently in relationships we were just in.

We both know that God gives us desires to be married. Marriage is a system that God set up and ordained. Honestly, marriage is a beautiful picture of the gospel. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ love the church and gave himself for it. Wives are commanded to submit themselves to their husbands as the church submits itself to the Lord. As the woman submits to her husband and her husband submits to the word and to the Lord, the gospel is shown to all who look on their marriage and God is glorified.

So what about the single people? I don’t want to miss the chance to live out the gospel for the world. I want a life that proclaims the glory of God? What about me? What about Jilli? What about you?

We would love to tell you that we are spiritual giants who don’t struggle with loneliness or never looks up and says, “God, what are you doing?” because unfortunately that is not true. This was not my plan. This was not Jill’s plan either. We thought we would at least be in a serious relationship by 21. I mean everyone else was finding someone at GCU. What about us? Guess this whole “ring by spring” was not intended for us. Unfortunately, God rarely does it the way we think He should. So now you are left with asking; are you willing to trade your timeline for the schedule of the Author of time?

Do you think it was David’s plan to fight Goliath or become King of Israel? Do you think it was Daniels plan to be thrown into a den of lions? Do you think Moses’s plan to wander the wilderness with God’s people for most of his life?

Right now I am in a season of life where I am just so encouraged with being single. I know I ABSOLUTELY know that it is not about finding that perfect person because the good Lord only knows I would be single forever if that was the goal. I’m NOT perfect I am flawed with a messy life and I have a lot of pieces that I am putting back together right now and I hope and pray I don’t find someone who is “perfect” because they would hate me and think I am too “broken”

So many of us are desperately searching for that person here on earth. We are waiting for somebody to come along and fill a void. We look for someone to complete the loneliness in our heart that was only meant for God to fill.  

Until we discover this, we will not be whole, relationship or not.

A human can never fulfill what was meant to be filled by the one you were made for, and it will destroy your relationships if you expect them to.

Ladies if God has saved you, He has chosen you and set you apart. You are his treasure, and he will always take care of you no matter what. Stop listening to your friends, stop listening to the world, stope listening to yourself and  tart listening to the promises of our great God.

My God doesn’t break promises.

We beg of you to realize you are worth the wait. You are worth waiting on God to place a man in your life who will love you like Jesus does. He won’t be perfect that’s for sure, but neither are you. He will love you through God and he will strive to be all that God wants him to be as a man. He will recognize his flaws and strive to be better everyday. He will challenge you as you grow as an individual and as a godly example of marriage that is a delight to the eyes of the Lord. Oh girls, please don’t settle for some man who doesn’t know the first thing about God. Don’t settle for some selfish guy who is “Christian” in name only. We know this is not easy we are just two 21 year old girls still trying to figure this out as we grow and fall more in love with our creator. 

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I don’t know if I can make it through this situation.

I don’t know if I can do everything I have to do.

I don’t know if I can measure up to everyone’s standards.

I don’t know if I can be everything God wants me to be.

Well, I do know that life is hard. The Christian life is especially hard, not gonna lie. It’s hard to go against the flow. (Imagine trying to swing against an ocean current, you are just going to keep struggling to stay afloat) It’s hard to do the right thing. It’s hard to live according to God standards in this world. It requires A LOT of bravery, and heart and courage. *Something’s I still feel I am lacking.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Here is my response to this verse:

Yes, I can do all things, but it still feels like too/soo much. I don’t know if I can do it alone.

Well, this weekend it hit me! Let me let you in on a little secret I felt I was being told

YOU CAN’T! So stop trying.

Because this is what grace is for- the beauty of His amazing grace. If we could live this life all on our own, we would not need Christ. We would be able to take all the glory for what we accomplished for ourselves because we did it alone and in our own strength. Paul said so many times that he could never boast in anything done of his own hands because of the cross of Christ.

Anything we are able to do for God’s kingdom here on earth is because God gives us the strength to do it. He was crucified so that we could live. Live a righteous life here on earth, live for the souls of other people, and live eternally in heaven with him. Why? So that people could see our good works and think we are super spiritual?

ABSOULETLY NOT

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Everything we do that is good is so that the world may see Jesus. Everything. When we do “good works” here, it is for the sole purpose of pointing men to Jesus Christ. NOT so that we can boast in ourselves and our accomplishments, and everyone can see how much WE love Jesus, and how selfless and spiritual WE are. It is all for the glory of God! That is why we can not do anything in our own strength. That is why when we try to do things in our own strength so that we can take the glory from him we fail miserably. We feel as we are taking steps back instead of walking forward. We get discouraged. Because God is not interested in making us into “successful” servants. He is only interested in doing His work through us so that HIS name is lifted up. He will not allow anything that is truly done in His name be second rate.

This next part is my absolute favorite

2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul said he would boast in his weakness. He would actually be happy in areas he was weak- in areas where he could not do it. Why? Because those are the places in our lives where CHRIST gets the most glory! His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and when we do things through his power, our weaknesses are made perfect to the glory of God. Where we can non.. He can

Thank God you can not do it alone. Thank Him that you are not strong enough by yourself to do what He has called you to do. Thank God that his strength is perfect. Thank him that because His strength is in you, you can not take the glory for your own accomplishments.

Because of this, because we do nothing for the Kingdom in our own strength, what we do for God not define who we are. Christ has already defined us. His finished work on the cross is what gives us peace, and joy, and hope, and security, and our very worth. My performance fr God does not earn His love or ascribe extra special value to my life. Christ’s love was already demonstrated on the cross. He tool the wrath of God poured out on sin on His body for you and for me. There is NOT GREATER love.. and it is ALL ours.

Girls, you are His daughters, and guys you are his sons. He has promised to take care of His children. If you are doing the work of God, you literally have nothing to worry about. God will work through you. He will complete what he has started. Not it doesn’t mean that it will be easy all the time, doesn’t mean nothing will ever seem to go wrong, doesn’t mean that you will always understand, but God will never leave you in His will.

Pause for praise; Praise God that you cant do it! I don’t want to simply do the things I can, because God in me has given me His power to do the things that I can’t. How cool is that? Then, the world can look at us and say, “ What is going on in their life? There is no way they did that on their own.” That is what I want people to say of my life and yours. I want people to looks are my life, and see how inadequate I am. I want them to see that an ordinary person all alone in their own strength can not live the life I do. I want them, most of all, to see my Jesus, and His great love for me and for them, and I want them to glory Him for the great things HE can do.

So, take heart, things may seem hard, rocky and when you go forward you will go backwards, but praise God, you can not do it!

But Jesus Christ, who lives in you, can.

This is my battle- Until I reach the heavens 

A pity party for one!

It is so easy for us to sit and have a pity party when hard times come our way especially when we are doing right. We expect blessing for obedience and when we get trials it seems as if we have the right to look up and say, “God, you are supposed to be good’ You are supposed to bless me.” God’s goodness, however, is not limited to our present circumstances.

Remember that ALL things [not just good things] work together for good them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Don’t let bad attitude, a sin or circumstances of this like allows you to forget the goodness of God. He will always come through. He will always work hard things out of the glory of God in your life. Let the Holy Spirit shine a light on things that will hinder our full service for the Kingdom. Whatever you do, even when you desperately want to, don’t quit

.

God has a lesson and a blessing right around the corner.

Think of Nehemiah. He was called according to God’s purpose. He was called by God to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. God allowed him to leave Persia, where he had a servant to the king, travel safely to Jerusalem with the kings permission and supplies to rebuild the WALL! That must have been so reassuring that God was on his side. However, after he railed the people together and they were in the middle of working, the outsiders started to mock him. They were relentless. They told him that he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t smart enough. He wasn’t strong enough. They even threatened to attack the city while they were building Nehemiah could have doubted Gods goodness at that time. He could have thought, “God, you  told me that you would be with me! I’m doing this in obedience and for your name, God. You told me you would bless! You called me here to leave me?

But he didn’t do that. He prayed, trusting that God would just do just as he said he would. He would be with Nehemiah. He would help to finish the work that he started.. Even if hard times came crashing in. He could have quit, but didn’t. He rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem and God’s name was lifted up in revered in that city.. And all the surrounding cities knew the strength of the true God.

The truth is God never said it would be easy, but I have never heard of anyone who regretted not giving up on God!

James 1:2-4 “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

God is preparing you for something in the midst of your trial. He wants you to reach your full potential, and he does that through testing your faith. Just as exercise tears down muscle to build it back stronger, God uses our (your) hard life situations to tear down our (your) pride, and self-sufficiency, and to build our (your) faith in Him.

When we are patient and trust His hand even we can not see, we can be made little by little into what he has truly created us to be. We can always trust Him to bring us through every trial and every testing that comes our way, and believe me, they will come.

 What is the trial that you are going through? Is it bigger than your calling? Is it bigger that your God? Of course it isn’t? He sees and knows everything. Be encouraged! Every promise of God is true, and even when we don’t understand, hard times will prove God faithful in you simply trust Him.

The fact is at times you are going to want to give up.. Don’t!

Is #MCM okay?

Just when we thought our standards were safe… here we go again.

Okay, so it has only been Monday for about 9 hours and I have counted 68 Man Crush Mondays on my Instagram and Facebook combined. Yes, don’t judge me I wake up and get straight on Social Media.. Don’t worry God is working on my heart with that. However, let’s get back to the real issue.

We say we want MEN OF GOD, but we are posting pictures of men of the world. We say we have raised the standards for women, but we are raising our eyebrows at half-dressed boys. We say we want to be treated with RESPECT, but we are treating men around us like dogs.

It is really just harmless fun? Drooling over shirtless pictures of men who are nothing like MEN OF GOD we say we long for? Is it really okay for us ladies to bash men for not guarding their eyes on social media and then for us to do the very same thing we condemn them for?

Shouldn’t we be holding ourselves to a higher standard? Yes, even on Monday! Don’t we know what lust is? Don’t we know that it’s not something that only affects men?

Well, just in case we forgot.  Lust is a desire for someone’s flesh- a feeling inside your body, but not your heart.  Reality Check: You don’t have to know anything about another person to lust after them. All you have to do is look and want. And this is what #MCM has become. Just a day where we all glorify numerous men out there and hashtag #YUM #SEXY #BEMYHUSBAND #FUTUREHUSBAND #EYECANDY. However, when Men do this we are offended. The fact is, lust doesn’t only happen to men, and it’s not Godly.

1 John 2:16 “For all that is in the world, lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the father, but of this world.

As the girls after God’s heart that we long to be, are we slipping up? Are we making mistakes that could cost our hearts, our lives and our testimonies?

Okay, I am not saying it is wrong to be attracted to someone. I am attracted to many men. God made everyone that way. Everyone has a silly celebrity crush, a character in a book or movie that they may be a fan of or be harmlessly attracted to, BUT characters in a movie or book or even celebrities are just fictional as the girls on the cover of magazines. Every one of them is scripted, cropped, painted, photoshopped and shown in their best light.

Just like every Wednesday when we think or say “Those aren’t real girls…” Sidenote: Cody will be writing on #WCW I hope you read that as well

These guys on MAN CRUSH MONDAYS aren’t real either, and to say you want a man of God and publicly feast your eyes on the flesh of the men of the world is just wrong- Sorry but someone has to be real.

I get so mad and so frustrated you know when these Christian guys tell girls to be godly, dress modestly and find their identity in Christ and then follow and chase all sorts of ungodly women. It just makes them look like fools, and send a completely hypocritical message to the people who follow them. Well, why aren’t we upset about girls who do the same?

We are being just as hypocritical when we say we want men of integrity, courage, honor and purity then hashtag half naked men who live lives of shame and disgrace of their own pleasure.

We scream, “Where are the good men?” and praise the bad. Well, bottom line is you get what you praise. I don’t have to sit here and explain to you that woman crush Wednesday is lustful, wrong and hypocritical for Christian men to participate in just as it is for women when we participate in #MCM

We want Christian men so badly to stand and proclaim that the true beauty we all should be chasing is the HEART. So why is it any different for Christian Women?

I could care less which way you spin this situation. It doesn’t matter if he is Christian or not. I don’t care if he is the apostle Paul, posting half naked pictures of him on Mondays is just not right!! Posting pictures of half naked and even clothed men who live for themselves and the world and calling them your MAN CANDY isn’t something a Proverbs 31 woman would participate in.

I don’t write this post to make you feel guilty.. Okay maybe a little. Because I am nowhere close to perfect but I write this because I hear my girlfriends talk about #WCW because their boyfriends/husbands and even crushes are posting pictures of half-naked girls (credited that some are not) but they gesture and the reaction is just the same. Nobody likes it but we are all participating in it..

Okay, I know that some of the #MCM are boyfriends of the girl posting it. And I say to you do you only have a crush on him one day out of the week? It reminds me of valentine’s day when I hear girls say I don’t understand this day sometimes is he only allowed to show me he loves me one day out of the year and yet us girls are in some way doing the same on Mondays….

Girls Lets:

Keep our eyes on the Kingdom.

Keep our testimonies pure.

Keep our standards equal.

Rise about the expectations the world has set for us.

Praise the REAL, good, godly men in our lives.

Match our walk with our talk.

Stop compromising purity.

Not look like the world, but truly be “set-apart” in all that we do

Put an end to #MCM.

Disclaimer: Just because you post the same #MCM still doesn’t change the fact that you will never be with them. Especially, if these men are already married! Do not lust over someone’s husband I am pretty sure God said not to do that as well.

Well Happy Monday (:

This is my battle

They See Her Heart Before They See Her Skin

Let me preface this by saying, I am a girl. I don’t know what it is like to be a guy. I can talk to guys about it, read books and internet blogs, but, unfortunately, I will never truly know what happens to a guy in relationships or what goes through their minds when they see girls (sisters in Christ ) walking around with clothing that can clothe a baby doll. I can only address what I see as a problem with our generation from the female perspective. And since I am a girl,that is where I will start. Because, I truly believe that if we want things to change, and  respect from men we HAVE to start with ourselves. We girls need to work together to help ourselves and in the process protect our brothers in Christ.

{Part One}

I was asked by a wonderful Godly man to speak to a congregation on MODESTY. My first thought was “Homie, do you know I am not a public speaker. I choke in class presentations and I am not qualified to talk about Sex-love and modesty!” Mark responded “You will figure it out its okay if you embarrass yourself at least there’s laughter. Let me know by the end of the week” Literally after days of dwelling on this conversation seeking advice from mentors, friends and family I decided to go ahead and proceed with it. Let’s pray this is not a disaster………

This issue is touchy, but one that desperately needs to be addressed “Clothing makes the man….” Fill in the blank (Men if you’re reading please fill in that blank). Okay girls, yes, SOME men are just pigs and they are completely responsible for their own actions. However, have we ever stopped to wonder why we attract these men? Why they say the things they say to us? That maybe just maybe the problem starts with us. I know we are girls we don’t do anything wrong 

Unfortunately, that is a LIE and we need to start taking responsibility for our own actions.

This world is constantly telling us we need to be “Sexy” Seriously, every television show; commercial, magazine, social media, advertisement and so on and so on tell us this. That our ONLY worth comes from what we are in the eyes of the opposite sex. If men think you are beautiful and give you the time of day and even ask for your number THEN you are special. If you have a man by your side than you are worthy of love and you can walk in knowing this.. And if not? Well, then you are ugly, fat and unworthy of affection and love. Harsh, I know, but at some point every girl has thought that about herself and if you haven’t please share your secret!

We push and push, start movements and blogs about how real beauty comes from the inside and that every girl is beautiful in her own way. This message is great, powerful and COMPLETELY true, but if we don’t live what we preach then it means nothing to our life. Instead, we lower our standards in the way we dress to attract these men who do not appreciate who we are on the inside. If we do not act and dress as though we are special, beautiful and worthy of respect and love we sure as heck won’t be treated like we are. So let’s start backing up our message with the way we live, and the way we conduct ourselves in relationships with our brothers in Christ because we are WORTH more.

The only reasonable conclusion I can really think of is that we know in our heads that “real beauty is on the inside” but we would rather immerse ourselves in lies of the world and lies of Satan. We may not consciously make that decision, but every time we put ourselves down, or start to feel worthless, or post a sexual and provocative pictures on Facebook, we are choosing to believe a lie of Satan over what God has already told us.  That our beauty only comes from Jesus Christ’s presence in our hearts and lives. So instead of addressing the heart issue we go and find an outfit that pushes the limits to see if we can get away with it. Then get this we blame the men in our lives for only wanting us for what we can give them and looking at us in a way that makes us uncomfortable.

We are bluntly putting ourselves on display

GIRLS, if YOU put it out there, then, sorry it is fair game

#RealTalk

Ladies, please here me when I say you are in complete control of how men look at you.

Expect more.

You literally teach them what body parts they are allowed to gawk at by the way you dress; especially to the guys who have no self-control. We have only a small idea what it is like to be a guy, or how hard it is to control what goes through their heads. They are going to look at what you show them , bottom line…or really struggle NOT to. That is not what we should be to our brothers in Christ, and we certainly are not going to attract the good guys this way. How can we expect to find a good guy who love us for our hearts, when we shove our bodies in his face?  When they already find it hard to even look at us with compromising their thought life, let alone spend time in getting to know what is inside of us because of what we make them struggle with.

The way you dress either demands respect or invites disrespect. Please hear me again The way you dress either demands respect or invites disrespect. So often, we feel like men do not deserve our respect; they have to earn it. 
For example I am sitting at work writing this and I look over to my left and there is a guy in a suit coming in to interview automatically he has my respect when I go in about 20 minutes to escort him to the conference room to be interviewed but if he were to walk in here with basketball shorts and a t-shirt I would be like okay, you can walk right back out. I hope you get the point. It’s not any different for women the way we dress says a lot about us.

I am completely a girl, and I love to look pretty and cute, and beautiful, but this can definitely be done in a classy, respectful way, keeping in mind the men around you and how you want them to think about you. I don’t dress like a frump and neither should you! However, the way some girls are dress and present themselves (especially on social media) just does not send them message that they respect themselves and know their inner worth. Girls, I promise good men will notice when you dress and act in a way that honors God I can promise you that.

I am not saying that men are not responsible for what they look at or think about… they most certainly are and will answer to God for it, but we girls are a big problem in this area in which we beg for a solution. We need to take responsibility for what we display. Because no matter how strong a guy is spiritually, he is still a guy. God made men this way, and not on accident. God had a plan for men to be the pursuers in the relationship.. to WIN the girl’s heart; not the body. Then, after he wins her heart and commits to her (AKA MARRIAGE) then he gets her body. He is just not going to commit to you if he has nothing to win because you have already given to him

I’m also not saying that this will stop every man from treating every woman with disrespect, but it is a safeguard against it, and an area where we desperately need to take action. The fact of the matter is we CAN control how we are to be treated, and we are responsible in this area. If we want to be wanted for our bodies, then that is a heart issue. However, I’m pretty sure that every girl wants to be loved for everything that is inside of her that is beautiful, not just our physical.

You get what you fish for. If you are “baiting” men with your body, then the only men you are going to catch are the men who want your body. Plain and simple. However, if you want a guy who loves you for your heart, you’re going to have to catch a man with your heart. He has to be able to stay around you long enough to see it. You want a man with a good heart? Show him a good heart, not your physical “goods.”

How you get him is how you keep him. We’ve heard that before. So say you find a man, and he commits to you and marries you; but the main feature that caught him was your body and physical appearance…. what happens when you get pregnant? When you gain weight? When you start to get older and less attractive? If he did not find your inside to be the most attractive thing about you, what’s going to happen when something better comes along? It would be so sad to be in a relationship with a man who only liked you for what you gave him sexually; and, as you aged, thought you were boring, unattractive, or unlovely. There will always be girls prettier than you and willing to show more, and sexual competition is not what God has in mind for his daughters. However, this is where we are headed when we attract men based on our physical appearances alone. Heartache, and don’t you think it breaks Jesus’ heart too? I want my future husband to love me for my personality, my sense of humor, my brain, and courage, and all the weird quirky things that I do, and, mostly, my love for God… and have eyes only for me.

Lastly, I want to encourage you in that next time you see a girl with a sexually revealing outfit on, don’t judge her in your heart. Have compassion instead. It breaks my heart to see and know that some girls don’t know that they do not have to show off their bodies to be worth something. That they are so much more than what their body looks like, and how men respond to seeing it. It is so sad. Pray for her. If you know her, talk to her or show her these posts! Help her see that Jesus made her beautiful heart for Him, and she deserves to expect more too.

Girls, if we want our relationships to be everything we really long for and God promised to us, we can’t settle for the cheap version that the world offers us. We have to ask for something more. If we want to be everything God has made us to be as representatives of Jesus Christ and the gospel, we need to clothe ourselves with the respect and holiness that our message demands. We’ve just got to expect more because the Jesus we love does care about our clothes and how His daughters present themselves….and He definitely expects more of us.

Ladies- I promise you there are Godly men out there who beg for us to believe this and I am determined to find them.. This is only the beginning 

This is my Battle -  Because This is how I choose to live not because I have to, not because I’m forced to, but because I want to and because this is where I find freedom to be the beautiful person God has created me to be. 

February 14th- Love Matters

As a child, Valentine’s Day was something I looked forward to. At school, we would decorate an old show box that would serve as mail boxes, and those would become the portals by which every classmate would drop colorful cards and candy for each other. No one was singled out; not one was overlooked. (Thanks to the rosters our teachers would send home with us)

Once you get out of elementary school, everything changes. Valentines is rife with expectation and heartbreak. You hope and pray a certain someone gives you a special card or gift, or EVEN asks you on a date. Will you be mine? Isn’t that the phrase we look for on those candy hearts; it is what our heart and soul longs to hear.

 Special.

It is what every human longs to feel- that we have a unique place in the hearts of our loved ones. That we cannot be replaced. That we matter.

I personally think that’s why Valentine’s Day stings so much for singles. Why it always stung so much for me.

 

Year after year I watched my friends, classmates, mothers, roommates and even grandmothers receive attention and beautiful gifts on Valentine’s Day.

On a day that men honor the women in their lives just for being who they are; vise versus. As I sat in class today I worked to keep my face blank and pleasant as the conversation flew back and forth.

“My boyfriend is taking me to..”

“My girlfriend said…”

“My Fiancé and I are…”

Never mind what is was- it was something! A plan! Every man and woman, it seemed to my very single soul had a plans that night, even if the plan was simply to not have plans.

Valentine’s Day is a day of exaltation; a day in which men hold up their wives or girlfriends as beloved. Giving them tokens and symbols of not only affection, but as validation of their very worth like in the passage in Proverbs, “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all” (Proverbs 31:29)

OUCHIE!

I whole-heartily believed that I was not special… Until Christ.

On the day I said YES!

To Jesus Of course. I said YES to an eternity of a valentine an eternity of love that would never burn out. God came into my life in a blazing fire of love and intimacy. In that very moment I became what every woman/ man longed to be: beloved! 

I became special. And I did not need to receive roses or chocolate or the admiration and envy of other women. I knew it because of the whisper deep in my heart: I love you. You are special to me.

I did not hear the actual words. But I have heard him speak to me any times through whisper, a circumstance, a friend. Through a shooting star in the sky.

And after years of walking with God, years of spending Valentines without that special person. Well, all I can say is that I could not feel more special. More loved.

There are things he has done for me- just for me- because he love. Moments and words and gestures that were not for correction and not for growth, but were for one reason only: Love!

This year is going to be different. The Lord has set in my life strong God fearing women whom are also single. Sitting down drinking wine, grilling and basking in the love of friendship. It is going to be a wonderful time and I CAN NOT WAIT TO CELEBRATE VALENTINES DAY! (wow, never thought I would say that). 

Happy Happy Love day- Single or Not

This is my battle-

-Elena Barrientes

a daughter | without a dad

I forgive him because I have learned the true value of loving me more than hating someone else.

Forgiveness is an act of self-love.

Me and Ernest (Dad)

I don't know how long it took, reaching this epiphany. I just know I am grateful I've arrived.

Daddy Issues. I had that.

Growing up with an absentee father was hard- is hard. The emotions that resulted from the void he left are even harder. I can’t count the instances I got my hopes up for quality time only to be let down, the tears i've cried for blaming myself for his absence, and the years of anger that festered within me from not letting go of the hurt.

Even in his absence, my father has had overwhelming control of my life and a strong grip on my emotions. I would walk around mad at the world for promises he failed to keep. No more waiting for him to change, no more depending on him to give me the daddy-daughter relationship that I feel I deserved that would never come.

I wanted out, but his power kept me in. I felt trapped in my anger, my bitterness, my heartbreak.

I wanted for so long to have a father. I was (am) still envious of my friends who have that. However, I have had to drastically change that. It was not their fault.- it was not their dads fault either. 

After years of enduring disappointment after disappointment, I knew I needed to move forward and to forgive him for neglecting me, but forgiving someone who continuously hurts you is a hard thing to do. I wanted to let go, I really did but I felt like he owed me. No, he owed my mom and me. It was his fault that I blamed my mom for how I grew up. It was his fault I blamed my mom for everything she did to compensate for what he did (or didn’t) do for us because it was never enough. It was his fault that I did not appreciate the family that was present in my life and instead choose to dwell on his absence. It was his fault that I grew up with a long list of insecurities and longing to be anyone but me. It was his fault I never knew what it truly meant to be a daddy’s girl.

Some self-reflection finally led me to realize that I could no longer let him control me. By not choosing not to be a father and to be a dictator in my life, he lost out, not me. He found his way to forget about establishing some sort of relationship with me, so I needed to do the same. I know that may not be ideal for some of you reading this, but I came to the conclusion that is was better for him to be removed from my life completely, than for a call here and there and be provided negative comments about the woman I am today just for the sake of him convenience and conscience.

It’s been many years since I last saw my father, and although his choices have always bothered me, the biggest choice he made was to choose to not to care for me as his daughter, his princess, his little girl. 

 I’m stepping out of hurting and into healing.

I have to let go of him, let go of my dreams that he will change, let go of ever thinking we can start over, let go of my hurt, let go of wondering what if. I have to let go of him in order to be a better me. I can’t keep looking back on what I think I may have missed. 

I used to believe that my life would be better if he played the role the right way, but for all I know my life could have taken a turn for the worse with him in it.

They say a father is supposed to be a daughter’s first love. This wasn't my reality but I can finally fix my mouth to say I'm OKAY with that.

This is my battle- Until there is complete healing